Breakup excuses very from the old standby “It’s not you, it’s me” to “I think we should just be friends”, both hard to hear, but standard. Some breakup excuses though are almost too bad to be true.
Top Ten Unbelievable Breakup Excuses
1. I want to have fun this summer.
How are we supposed to take this? That we’re not fun? Maybe we’re only not fun when we’re with him. What this really means is … its summer and I want to play the field with all those bimbo’s in bikinis. We have news for you buddy – you’re not going to get lucky with any of them.
2. I only dated you to get close to your sister.
Ouch. I had a friend who actually heard this from a guy she was dating. Little did he know that her sister was a whore. All she could do was laugh when she found out that her sister passed on an STD to him. PS. Her sister settled down later and got married, but it took years for her to get over it.
3. You’re not an interesting person and I don’t love you anymore.
This kind of goes along with the “Its summer and I want to have fun.” Translated it means you’re too boring for me.
4. You remind me of my mother.
Not what any girl wants to hear. We love mothers. We don’t want to hear that we remind him of his. Eww!
5. I’m going to Africa to study abroad.
I heard this once in college from an ex boyfriend. Funny thing is, he never went. If you want to break up with a woman, don’t tell her you’re going to Africa, when she finds out you lied, she’ll get even. I’d tell you what I did, but I’m not sure what the statute of limitations is.
6. We can’t see each other anymore, I’m getting married.
So you dated for three years and he couldn’t commit and now he’s getting married?
7. My wife told me I can’t see you anymore.
This happens way too often to women. If you’re a man, at least come up with a different excuse. Don’t ever make us feel like we’re the other woman. We’ll get you. One way or another. For the women – make sure you check the statute of limitations on whatever you and your girlfriends have planned.
8. It’s not you. My dog doesn’t like you.
Really? It’s your dog. Is this the same dog that jumped up on my lap whenever I came over and ignored you? Is he seriously breaking up with you because he’s jealous of the dog?
9. I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. And I don’t want you to see me like this.
This one is just sad. Like any woman would care what you look like if you had cancer. We’re women. We love to take care of people. Well, maybe not boyfriends who try and milk a cold for all it’s worth. But cancer? Don’t ever joke about having cancer. I’ve watched several people die from cancer. It’s not pretty and a pathetic excuse to break up with a woman.
10. I just found out I’m allergic to you.
Allergic to you? Bet he wasn’t allergic to you when he was trying to get you into bed last weekend.
These are my top ten unbelievable and truly pathetic breakup excuses. leave a comment and tell me what the most unbelievable breakup excuse you’ve ever heard.
Nikki Caine writes spicy romance stories. Check out my books on Amazon.