Hot Sex Isn’t For You

Hot Sex Isn’t For You!

Having been married for longer than I’d ever admit, I’ve come to the conclusion that hot sex isn’t for everybody.

For a lot of couples the longer they are married the duller sex becomes.

A lucky few couples seem happy. You know the one’s I mean. They hold hands. They whisper in each other’s ears and laugh at some private joke none of the rest of us are privy to. They share private looks and communicate with just a smile.

Eventually, over lunch with a girl friend of mine, and maybe a few too many glasses of wine I shared my observations with her.

She told me something that pissed me off at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it just might be true.

“Hot sex,” she said, “Isn’t about you. It’s about the person you’re having it with. It’s about making them happy. And the old saying about how it’s better to give than to receive?”

I remember raising my eyebrows and wondering if we could still be friends if I slapped some sense into her. I actually remember having to forcefully unclench my fist.

“Well, the truth is that it works both ways. If you make them happy, they go out of their way to return the favor. And then you both win.”

She sat back with a smug look on her face and watched me. Evidently, my lack of belief must have shown on my face, because she reached across the table, took my hands in hers, and looked me in the eye. “Maybe hot sex isn’t for everybody.”

I knew she was wrong.

And then one day I found out how right she was.

It’d been a rough day, and all the things I’d kept bottled up poured out in one hate filled tirade, I let him have it.

He sat and listened patiently, letting me vent, and then he held me while I cried.

The man is a saint.

And then he did something to prove just how right my friend had been. Trying his best to speak in an Aussie accent, he took me right there on the couch. Doing things to me I’d only dreamed about. And with no expectation of return from me.

I knew then that my friend was wrong. I did deserve hot sex. But more importantly he deserved it.

Want to know the secret?

How to Put Some Sizzle Back in Your Romance.

That day was the first time we took our first tentative steps into role playing. My husband knew I had a thing for accents, and remembering he’d done his best to make it memorable for me. Sexual role play is nothing more than playing pretend for adults. And when I say pretend, I’m not talking about the kind of pretend where you close your eyes, wishing that your current lover was some famous movie star or the hot hunk or the sleazy blond bombshell from the office.

No, I’m talking about working out a scenario with your lover.

And once you get comfortable with role play? Well, then sex takes on a whole new meaning. Exciting and ever changing.

For Allison and Dean in my Allison’s Erotic Adventures series it all began with an old leather bound journal. The kind of journal where they took turns writing a fantasy out that the other had to help make come true.

5 Tips for First Time Role Play

A touch of imagination is all you need to spice up your bedroom play.

What man or woman hasn’t indulged in a little daydreaming about sex? Whether its dreaming about the hot cowboy taking the city girl for a roll in the hay or the French Maid who really knows how to wield the feather duster, we’ve all fantasized about role playing one way or another. But what if you’ve never had the nerve to bring it up with your lover? Whether it’s because we’re scared they’ll think we’re too kinky or because a girl or guy thinks they’ll be judged, there’s no doubt that deep down we’re all a little afraid of opening ourselves up. At least at first!

First things first. Sexual role playing is not about pretending your lover is someone you’d rather be having sex with. If you’re really dreaming about cheating this is not for you. If you’re really fantasizing about cheating, you’ve got problems in your relationship that role playing  isn’t going to fix. And I’d suggest you talk to your partner about what’s really bothering you or better yet – either get out or get some help from a professional councilor.

What role play can do though is to add a little spice back into your sex life. And once you’ve tried it a few times, you’ll find that your imagination will take wings and fly.

So … how do you get started?

  1. Figure Out a Fantasy!

The first step is to figure out a fantasy. Most of us have read a romance or seen a movie or read some erotica that makes us want to get a little frisky with our significant other. Some of the most common fantasies involve the French maid, cheerleaders, and don’t forget Fifty Shades. A little bondage fantasy is more common than most people would ever admit to. If you already have a fantasy in mind, skip ahead. But for those of you who don’t?

Some ideas to get you started might be something as simple as the pizza delivery guy you can’t pay. Or the cop who’s come to arrest you and enjoys frisking you a little too much. And there’s always the masseuse who has hands to die for! And while these might sound like porn plots from some cheesy 1970’s drive in movie, there’s a reason why they’re so popular – there easy to play out, and might be just what you need to get started.

2. Share It!

Let’s be honest this can be scary. Remember when I said that no one likes to be judged? Well, this is what I was talking about. So – how is a girl or a guy supposed to bring up their fantasy? One of the best ways is to start off by saying, “I had a dream about you last night where you were …” and then fill in with your fantasy. And don’t be afraid to tell them what your fantasy is. If your fantasy is being the naughty nurse and he’s the hot hunky doctor then explain it. After all, who wants to play doctor with a slime ball when what you really want is the handsome doctor who needs a lesson in how to really take care of his nurse but hasn’t noticed all of the hints she’s been dropping. And don’t be afraid to lay it out step by step if it’s your first time role playing.

In my Allison stories, the couple takes turns writing their fantasies in a journal. And truly that’s not a bad idea for couple in real life too!

3. Safe Limits

It’s not a bad idea to lay out some ground rules before you start. Role playing can be a lot of fun but it is NOT about springing big surprises on your lover. If you’ve dreamed of being spanked for being a bad girl, then explain that spanking means light swats across your bottom and not a beating with a belt! And if you’re not into something like anal, then make that clear before you start. And it’s never a bad idea to have a safe word to stop something before it goes too far. A word like broccoli should do the trick!

  1. Setting The Scene

You don’t have to spend a fortune or take all day setting up a room for role play, although you can if you want. Setting the scene can be as simple as picking up a pizza on the way home and ringing the doorbell when you get home. Or for the hot cop scenario, picking up a pair of plastic handcuffs and a fake police badge in the toy section of your local store. Of course, there’s always Amazon. And believe it or not, a lot of the costumes can be had for pretty cheap. A quick perusal while I’m writing this shows me that there are plenty of Costumes for under  twenty dollars.

  1. Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

After all of this planning don’t forget to have fun! All of us enjoyed playing pretend when we were kids and there’s no reason why we can’t enjoy it just as much as adults. And the truth is, the more you do it the better you’ll get at it. If you break character don’t worry about it, laugh about it and move on. And if you break character and move straight into sex? Well, that’s OK too. You’re not trying out for some Hollywood movie here, this is all about trying something new and adding a little spice into your love life.


Still curious about trying role play? Go ahead and give it a whirl. And if you need an idea, below this article you’ll find a link to Mr. Fix It! The first story in the Allison series. It’s free on Amazon. If you follow the link inside the book and sign up for my readers list, I’ll send you two more free as a thank you.

Remember when I said I didn’t deserve hot sex? I was so wrong! And remember – giving can be more fun than receiving. When two people really learn to concentrate on making the other happy, a whole world of possibilities opens up for them.

May all your dreams come true!



Want an idea of how this could go? Check out Mr. Fix It! on Amazon. Free For A Limited Time! And if you follow the link in the book and sign up for my Readers List, I’ll send you two more Allison stories.


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